The Confused Soul

To believe or not,

Stay in or walk out,

For in my world contempt,

There is bliss with no regrets,

I am not a believer, never was,

Nor had faith or hopes

Of ever being involved in such a cause,

It is a rough mountain, not a sliding slope,

I have seen sorrows

Of broken hearts,

Pain and endless weeps,

And the unbearable part,

They say, "You can't die alone"

Is it worth it? I wonder,

Taking the risk

Of believing,

Believing can lead to pain,

Believing can be the gain,

I stand alone confused,

Whether to believe or not.......

Crippled

Crippled in, crippled out,

He begs for sympathy,

Yearning for hearts stout,

These hearts with no empathy,

People running the race of life,

Would never know,

Nor understand,

Why he can't work,

Why he can't walk and run

Like others in their races,

Some would give him a coin or two,

And he in return would pray for them,

In the pavement in front of the bank,

He sits and watches,

How people walk in and out,

Smiling faces,

Again,

The vicious cycle starts,

And he begs, begs and begs.

The 'Happy' Me :D

Here is a thought that has been struck in my head all week, I should write about happy things or cheerful moments that I happen to come across. Recently when I went through my past blog posts, I realized that it was too melancholic. The stressful period I went through during the past couple of years might have been the reason for that, I don't know, but what is more important is that now I am happy. My life has been pretty great lately. I have a cool job (as a journalist :P), I get paid, I pay my bills. Life right now is pretty good :D So, here goes my first happy poem after a long time.....

Waking up to the shining sun,

The urge to scream and away I run,

Greeting the day with an innocent smile,

Finally this is me on my happy aisle,

Gone are the times melancholy,

I laugh all day cherishing my jolly,

Teasing everyone in where ever I go,

My friends call me a cartoon show.

It feels like the sea breeze,

Refreshing and pure,

This felicitous feeling and life's ease,

It is my wounded soul's cure,

Twinkling in their glittery patterns,

Now at night, I see the stars,

I wonder, "Where where they before?",

Hidden in the darkness of past's scars.

My heart laments no more,

Over broken promises and fate's hurdles,

For after many falls I learned to move on,

Happiness is a choice, I choose to be.

Yet Another Day at Another Boring Lecture.........

Needless to say that the lecture was so boring that it made me write this during that lecture :P 

Yet another Friday and here I am,

The same class, the same exact seat,

This time it is terrorism,

And separatist Tamil fleet.

The lecture goes on at its own pace,

Soaked in boredom, I gaze and gaze

Projector slides, the rusted ceiling fan,

Fighting sleep, trying to grasp what I can,

"It is a one sided narrative", complains my friend

With remarks of annoyance,

"I wasn't paying attention", I say,

I think of my education and my mother's sacrificial pay

My conscience starts blaming me,

The value of education and its glorious grand,

There is still a part of me that wants to learn

Outsmarted by the promising words of boredom.

The Third Wheel

Couldn't be more happy for the two souls in love,

I watched them,

Lost in their complete world,

Their happiness, the laughter, the joy,

My mind swirls in memories,

Of my scarred past,

When I too was a believer

Of love's eternal cast.

I walk with them laughing along,

Trying to let go

Of your memories,

I can’t take this anymore,

Out of the blue you stepped in,

But now it is all a blur, with a pain within,

Again, it is them with their gestures of love,

Again I smile, seeing the light in my friend’s eyes.

I begin to wonder,

Life’s wrong turns and love’s twists,

I will never love again, nor be deceived by love’s tempting feel,

I will be alone and be the third wheel.

Plight of Mr. ______________'s Student

Again, I am not proud of this because insulting a teacher is bad (but hey, at least I am avoiding names :P), I couldn't help myself as the lecture was extremely boring and the credit balance of my phone was zero which meant my other option of goofing with the internet was not available. I had no choice. Thus was the beginning yet another episode of me, misusing a talent that I should be grateful to 3:) 

Yet another day at the boring class,

Gazing at the clock wondering why time would not pass,

Skip this class, I couldn't bring myself to,

For I did it yesterday and the and the day before too.

It is the lecturer and not the subject,

Listen to him lecture, No, I object!

To absorb his teachings my brain continues to reject,

And I am stuck here for I can't make myself eject,

One hour and nineteen minutes for the class to end,

He talks about recent developments and to listen I pretend,

Bored to death I look at the clock again,

Another 30 minutes to end this pain. 

Every Friday I have to go through this,

Attending a class which I'd rather miss,

I am so glad for this is his last day,

I hope the next teacher would have a better way.....

Black and White World

'All the world's a stage and men and women are merely players',

It is a quote that Shakespeare once said,

There are villains and heroes, winners and losers,

They come, play their part and lay asleep on the death bed,

In this world full of variety,

There is love and there is enmity, 

Some pretend to be your friend,

While some are really your friends,

Some are honest and some always lie,

Some stay happy and rest always cry,

In this world black and white,

How can you figure out who is wrong and who is right?

What differs good from bad?

How can one only be happy and not be sad?

I want to figure out life but what will it cost?

So please guide me conscience and not let me be lost...

World Wars

The movie, 'The Pianist' which is based on the biography of Wladyslaw Szpilman- Jewish- Polish musician is what inspired me to write this poem. May this be a tribute to him, who survived the holocaust of Second World War.

I hope and pray that the world will not have to witness such a dreadful massacre ever again. 

World wars,

Source of woes,

Unveiling the darkness of mankind,

Humanity is left behind.

Out of chaos, appears a man,

A pianist from a Jewish Clan,

Nazi Germany's destruction plan,

Genocide, Slavery, Death began.

Off walks the pianist through Berlin streets,

Through dusty roads, scattered corpses,

With misty eyes and a paining heart he retreats,

In a dark corner of his heart, hopes for a better life remains.

Once in the ghetto and then the labour camp,

Soulless he lives in a damp,

Deprived of his music and the warmth of his kin,

He silently prays for the end of war's sin.

Moms and Dads: Think before you fight!

Two days before an incident was reported in Horana, Sri Lanka where a 14 year old girl made an attempt to commit suicide by drinking toilet cleaning liquid because she was finding it extremely difficult to bear up the fights between her parents. As luck would have it the life of the child was saved and she is in no danger, but the question lies where what provoked this girl to take such a drastic measure to end her life? Were the fights between her parents so fierce that she could not bear to witness them?

Parental fighting is a common scenario in many Sri Lankan families where often children are the victims of such tragic fates. Let us shed some light upon the matter to acknowledge parents about the harmful repercussions of their actions to avert future calamities.  

According to Dr. N. Kumaranayake, Psychiatrist at the Base Hospital of Kiribathgoda, no parents in their right mind would fight in front of children. The statement speaks for itself given that there is a severe impact of parental fighting.

It is important to look for reasons why parents throw tantrums whenever there are domestic problems. Situational stress resulting in emotional changes, Inability of controlling emotions and alcoholism are the main reasons why majority of adults in the modern world tend to solve disputes using violence says Dr. Kumaranayake.

He added that this sort of a situation is very common among the rural community of Sri Lanka which is about 80% of the total population while 33% of these families are victims of the issue of alcoholism.

Dr. Kumaranayake said that depression too plays a major role in ruining the family lives of people as people in the modern world lead busy and hectic lives in the race to earn more and more.

One such patient who had been brought to Dr. Kumaranayake is a father of two children who had been a workaholic. He had been spending less and less time with the family and due to work stress had developed conditions like depression, sleep deprivation, irritability and extreme anger which has ultimately led him to the engagement of frequent fights with his wife.

As a result of alcoholism, an addict can develop physiological conditions like delusional disorders such as extreme suspicion of one’s partner says Dr. Kumaranayake. In the introductory incident, the father is an alcoholist and is said to be often accusing his wife of having an illicit relationship while she is innocent of such an act. This too results in numerous family conflicts where the ultimate victims are children.

Concentrating on the impact of parental fighting on children, Dr. Kumaranayake said that there is a significant impact on the brain of a child and there are many ways in which children react to this kind of situations.

Often, children respond to parental conflict by ‘acting out’ which is a demonstration of increased anger and the inability to manage anger. These children may display behaviours such as violence, delinquency and gang involvement.

One such child brought to Dr. Kumaranayake was a boy of 14 years who showed poor academic performance, practised stealing from home and was also Marijuana addict. The reason behind his disturbing behaviour was again an alcoholic father creating parental conflicts.

‘Turning inward’ is another way of responding to parental conflicts. They often isolate themselves from their friends, social activities and demonstrate conditions like depression, headaches, stomach aches, ulcers etc. and substance abuse.

A research conducted by Martin Teicher, a renowned psychiatrist, has showed that children who are exposed to parental conflict do not interact well with others. These kids often have very poor social skills, low self esteem and poor relationships when they become adults. Some children may also demonstrate conditions like troubles in thinking. The effects of being exposed to conflict show up as problems in school, truancy, impaired thinking (things like problem-solving, abstract reasoning, memory are affected) and symptoms that mimic Attention Deficit Disorder.

“Children exposed to high conflict may even become anti social personalities such as criminals but what is even worse is that the future family lives of these children may also be affected. It is like a circle, when they grow up and become parents, they will display the same kind of behaviour as their parents” Dr. Kumaranayake said.

I had the opportunity of talking to some of the children who were often exposed to conflicts. They had varied comments on how they feel when their parents fight in front of them.

“My parents fight almost everyday. Every time they fight I just lock myself inside my room and cry. To see your parents fight in front of you just so depressing” Chathurika, a teenager said.

Ashani, a 12 year old said that she hates it when her parents fight. She said that she is finding it hard to concentrate on her studies and homework and she often gets scolded by teachers for not doing homework.

“I am ashamed to say that I have come to hate my father due to his extreme alcoholism. I know it is bad but I don’t respect him anymore because he makes our lives miserable. Whenever my father and mother fight, I shout back at them and I get angry” Randika, a teenager who is exposed to parental fights said. 
        

As measures to avoid these tragedies, parents should practice proper control of emotions and problems should be dealt with much civilized and proper method than fighting. Getting the help of a professional counselor and couples’ therapy which is a practical method to deal with conflicts can be practiced.

It is important to reserve a special ‘emotional ventilation time’ where family members including children can talk about the problems and issues in their lives in order to facilitate the building of a good and a trust worthy relationship between family members.

On school level, awareness programs should be carried out for children and teachers to acknowledge them of the effects of parental conflicts and teachers should be trained on dealing with children who are exposed to conflicts and to identify students with emotional disorders.

Alcoholism should be dealt with and fathers should understand that what is more important is being a good father to his children, not being the alcoholic who makes their lives miserable everyday. Media has to play a major role in this regard by not promoting the ‘sham’ happiness of alcohol and the education of morals and virtues among children should be enhanced.

So parents, the next time you fight, please bare in mind that the ultimate victims of your conflicts will be your children. It is prudent to find much civilized and practical methods to solve conflicts other than fighting. The world will be a much better place if there is peace and happiness. 

:)

Clinging on to a Frienship

Just the other day, I was wondering, since I had nothing important to do, 'are the ones who I consider to be my true friends are really my true friends??' This question really troubled me. I know I love them a lot and have always considered them to be my best friends. Yet this thought was troubling me. I took a walk down my memory lane, I walked through the times when we were at school. Carefree and having fun. We just didn't care about anything else. No matter what happened, the five of us always stuck around together to face whichever the obstacle (these obstacles most of the time were dumb conspiracies between girls in our class ;P) that came in our way. 

An unforgettable moment with my best friends comes into my mind,
It was when one of my friends was relating us the story of her drunkard father beating her mother, she was crying as she picked up words. it was only a moment later that we realized, the rest of us were also crying, we shared her pain and we cried for her. That is the moment among many happy and cheerful moments, I will forever remember and cherish. 

What happened to those five people? the ones who cried in each others' pain and laughed in each others' happiness? We have changed. We have become so busy in our own work that we hardly care about giving a call or at least sending a text message to our best friends. I haven't called them in months or nor we have gone out together. Makes me sad to think that may be our friendship too has an expiration date. I don't want to lose them. I just lament over the fact that neither have they called me, nor have I called them. May be it is just a matter of making a phone call, but I no more know what I should speak with them if I call them. I remember how we used to speak about keeping in touch and going out at least once a month when we were working. May the past ourselves did not realize the fact that we will be caught up in the hectic race of working and earning and that there will hardly be any time for group gatherings.

I should not let this happen! I should call them! at least for the sake of our 5 year old friendship. They say that friendship is in the heart and not in hanging out or getting together all the time. But I guess we need an occasional gathering or two to remind ourselves the value of the friendship we share with our friends. I mean how can you convey how much you care about them if you don't even meet them. It is now or never. the decision is yours to make.......